Being a foodie means trying everything – even if that ‘everything’ means a quick fix at McDonald’s. While in Hiroshima recently, I had to give the Japanese McDonald’s an international taste-test. Mind you, their menu actually looked reasonably appetizing! At least they use Kewpie mayo in their burgers – now that is something. Whether they actually use off-cuts of Wagyu beef for their patties, I’m not so sure about.

I was loitering outside the restaurant for a few moments before this giant poster advertising their Tamago Double Mac caught my eye:

I examined this for a few seconds and decided to give it a shot since I like egg in my burgers. I proceeded to the counter for my order. Of course, me no habla Japanese so naturally ordering from their picture menu involved lots of pointing. The poor girl at the counter just nodded her head vigorously while she took my order.

Hmmm… when I got it on my table I just stared blankly at this dubious, paper-wrapped parcel, half-expecting it to pounce at my face, its hot oozing cheese blinding me permanently in one eye and the beef patties causing greased-force trauma to my forehead. It was a decently sized burger, somewhere between a double-quarter pounder and a big mac. After I managed to get rid of the horrific visions of a burger-induced injury out of my mind I unwrapped it:

First of all, the burger was upside down. And secondly, why does the advertising always look better than the real thing? I poked and prodded the burger to make sure it was dead and wouldn’t pounce on me. After a few seconds I realised that the burger was indeed lifeless (probably from overcooking), I took a bite. Contrary to the unappetizing photo, the Tamago actually tasted good. The patties had a strong seasoning, and the mayo was a tangy seafood-flavoured Kewpie mayo which tasted like lobster and the egg just made my day. Usually, a meal at McDonalds is always followed by grease-induced nausea but for some reason unknown the feeling never eventuated. Yes, the Tamago Double Mac has my heart-foundation tick of approval!

During a stroll through the 1-Borneo shopping mall in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, we chanced upon a Chinese tea shop selling herbal tea eggs at the front entrance. The fragrant scent of the herbal concontion wafted through the mall which tempted us to impulsively purchase one of these delicacies on the spot.

The broth consists of a blend of tea, traditional Chinese herbs, star anise, soy sauce, cinnamon and sugar. The eggs are cooked in their cracked shells so that the flavours seep through. The smell of the broth is actually quite overpowering, but the eggs themselves taste sweet and you can taste more of the star anise and cinnamon rather than the herb blend, which is what gives out the strong aroma.

At RM2 per egg, herbal tea eggs are a cheap and healthy snack alternative – you get your protein intake and at the same time you benefit from minerals the tea and herbs provide while keeping you fuller for longer! Move over, Tokyo Bananas!

Naturally when in Hanoi we sought out the weird and wonderful for each and every meal. When we heard of a “Snake Village” called Le Mat on the outskirts of town we quickly decided that this was worth further investigation. After a quick taxi ride over the river we arrived to find a suburban area with very little sign of action. Luckily there were plenty of local hawkers eager to take us to their “friends” house where we could enjoy a meal of snake.

The man jumped on his bike and rode off to a local house to negotiate what kind of commission he’d get for leading four stupid westerners to the snake vendor. We followed through a dingy garage to arrive at the below scene.

So how much? For the low low price of $90 US we could eat the snake. Considering that almost every meal we’d had in Vietnam had cost less than a dollar we quickly left to find another restaurant / house. The fact that the characters in the garage looked like the shadiest men in all of Vietnam certainly didn’t help.

Our “good friend” on the motorbike rode off to find us another vendor. He lead us down a few dusty alleyways to a lavish mansion with some snake cages out the back. The man was friendly and the price quickly dropped to $35 US for all four of us to have a feast of snake with alcohol included. Expensive but what the hey, we agreed and the man went about selecting the unlucky snake.

Out came two jars, two funnels, a knife and a doomed Cobra. The snake’s neck was broken, it’s heart was located and a cut was made.

At this stage we have no idea what is going on. Why are they collecting the blood? I guess we’ll find out later.

A close up of the blood being drained.

The heart is cut out and slips down to the bottom of a small glass. It is still beating rapidly for several minutes before it begins to slow to just a beat here and there.

The men make another cut further down the snake and begin to drain it’s dull green bile. It looks something like very strong green tea but smells like… snake bile I guess! At this stage we are led upstairs to the guest area and take a seat. A bottle of snake blood and another of snake bile are brought up to us by our host and the sounds & smells of cooking snake waft upwards from downstairs. Several shots are prepared, the first contains the snake’s heart along with a healthy splash of bile and some home made rice wine just to make the entire concoction that much more appetizing.

By this stage we are all feeling a little queasy and the question is raised as to who is going to have the heart. I offer to be the guinea pig for this excursion and find very little in the way objections from my friends, one of whom has already gone outside for fresh air and fails to return until the meal is over.

Looks delicious doesn’t it? Our host explains that the locals drink snake blood to help them with “sexy lady boom boom”. Look out Viagra!

Surprise, surprise, it tasted just like snake bile with rice wine with a raw heart in it. Luckily the off burning aftertaste of the rice wine saved me from more than a few seconds of suffering. We now proceed with shot after shot of rice wine with snake blood.

These were not too bad and definitely far superior to the snake bile. Our host quickly works out that we are not interested in any more bile shots and so begins to help himself, quickly becoming outrageously drunk.

Our host’s wife enters with several dishes made from the unfortunate snake. The first being snake meat which has been battered with flour and sesame seeds and deep fried. Mmmmmm tastes like chicken yet with the consistency of mashed potato. We are all surprised and impressed, the crispy pieces of snake are quickly consumed.

Snake spring rolls anyone? Very Yum. After dipping in the traditional Vietnamese vinegar sauce (often used with rice paper rolls) they were a real crowd pleaser.

Our host now obtains a large bottle of something from the cupboard. The fluid within it is cloudy and has some mysterious “things” floating around the bottom. After some interesting sign language we understand that these “things” are indeed snake testicles and the liquid itself is rice wine. We were all quite amused until our host pours as each a shot. We took a bit of convincing but eventually caved in and downed our shots. The taste was foul and we all refused to touch our second shot, again leaving our host to enjoy the spoils.

Next we are served snake skin that has been deep fried to perfection. This was delicious, something like a cross between chicken skin and the crackling on roast pork. We all agreed it was the highlight of the meal and fought over the last few pieces.

With the meal over and our shot glasses empty we move to a new room downstairs where our host has readied a home made water pipe. Despite having one of the better homes in Hanoi, his pipe is nothing more than a scaffolding tube with a tin can strapped to it. He shows us his favorite party trick which is to overload his already massive pipe with tobacco, spark up and inhale the entire lot then hold his breath for over a minute. When he breathes out all the smoke is gone. Wow. We begin to wonder if he drinks and smokes this with all of his snake guests and if so how he hasn’t died from multiple organ failure. We thank our host and leave him with his well earned US dollars, now it’s time to see if we can locate that restaurant that serves locusts…

The Malaysian holiday experience is not complete with a trip down to the local pasar or produce markets to acquire some traditional narcotics. The thought of a quick and cheap high made Otto jump at the chance to try some Betel Nuts. We were at a small town in Sabah called Sipitang where my father grew up and still lives in. So one fine morning after a hefty breakfast at the local coffee-shop, we took to the pasar for Otto’s first (and last) Betel Nut experience.

The Betel Nut is from the Areca Palm, and is actually called an Areca Nut. I believe the leaves are called the ‘Betel’. But for some reason the name ‘Betel Nut’ just stuck with me while growing up. I remember the old village ladies always had a supply in their waist-pouches. They were terrifying creatures with yellow teeth – something which the Betel Nut does to you. As you chew, it excretes a bright-orange sap which, well, makes you look like the old village womenfolk – while giving you a head rush as though you’ve smoked 15 cigarettes in one sitting.

The Betel Nut ‘Kits’ are widely available at the local produce markets all over Sabah and this kit usually consists of the Betel leaves, a few grams of ground limestone chalk, tobacco and that other weird brown thing in the pictures which I cannot describe. These ingredients are then folded with the Betel leaf into a small parcel, placed under your gums and chewed slowly. Before you get excited, I can tell you now that the combination of ingredients does not taste great – a symphony of bitter musk and cat sweat will assault your senses in more ways than one.

The one thing that we all forgot to mention to Otto was that he actually needed to spit out the fluid remnants from the first chew – the result was a heavy head-rush, a sharp grip on my shoulder followed by left-footed stumbling on Otto’s part. The effect for first time users is quite similar to having lots of cigarettes in one hit – that ever-familiar head-rush a morning smoke gives you but tenfold. Needless to say, the oral contents were abruptly spat out in utter disgust followed by some incomprehensible muttering of sorts and cheers from the market crowd.

The funniest thing for me about this experience was that all the locals in the market dropped what they were doing and just stood and watched while Otto had a go at the Betel Nuts. Because Sipitang is quite a remote village, not many tourists actually venture out there. It must have been a field day for the locals to witness a Mat-Salleh trying Betel Nut at their local market. There was alot of giggling, wide-eyed staring and pure astonishment that day. Unfortunately for Otto, he suffered a bad headache after his experience and had to be carted home for a long nap in an air-conditioned room.