Impulsive as I am, I decided to make a spontaneous trip to Madrid and within 24 hours I had procured a return high-speed train ticket from Barcelona and a disgustingly cheap 4-star hotel smack-bang along the Gran Via in Madrid. In between frantic Facebook messaging and trans-Mediterranean SOS’s to friends asking them for last minute tips on what to see, eat and do in Madrid it was my mum who told me about Botin through a 3-page text message that sparked my curiosity.

While in Madrid, I was to rendezvous with a good friend of mine from Sydney, and on our first night out on the town, the first of our many decadent stops was Botin. Located at Calle de Los Cuchilleros 17 in the Plaza Mayor area, Botin was founded in 1725 and according to the Guinness Book of Records, it is claimed to be the oldest restaurant in the world. Specialising in traditional Castilian cuisine, they are most well-known for their legendary roast suckling pig.

It sounded like it was going to be an upmarket joint and we were ready to spend the big bucks – So I called to book a table for two just in case. The concierge was very polite and we had a table down for 10:30pm Spanish dinner time. When we jumped in the taxi all I needed to say was ‘Botin’ and the driver just smiled and within 5 minutes we were at our destination. (We could have walked, but on our first night out in Madrid, we treaded carefully after several glasses of wine as we didn’t want to risk ending up the drunk tourists who lost their way).

We were literally dropped off right out the front door of the restaurant, and what greeted us was an extremely quaint establishment on a narrow stone-paved street, complete with aged timber panelling and waiters in bow-ties at the door. The restaurant was packed, and we were taken upstairs to our table. The ambiance was really warm, it had this old workman’s tavern feel to it – you could really sense the centuries gone by as soon as you walked through the doors. It was going to be a no-holds barred affair, and since it was the day after my birthday, we decided to do an old-fashioned gorging to celebrate so we kicked off the binge-fest with a jug of Sangria.

We decided to create our own degustation menu as follows:

We trembled when the first plate arrived, as we were expecting the usual ‘tapas-sized’ servings but we were quite surprised they were larger than usual; almost dinner-plate sized. After a couple of gulps on our end, we decided to suck it up and face the barrage of food that we ordered (note that there were only two of us). The artichoke dish was so simple; fresh artichoke hearts drizzled in olive oil with a hint of garlic, mostly flavoured by the salty Iberian ham which breathed extra life into the dish. The hearts were really tender and made for a great appetizer.

Next to arrive were the Morcillas or blood sausages. This is probably the most delicious blood sausage I have ever eaten; they are rather different compared to the English or German variety as these ones are filled with rice, onions and meat and seasoned really well with a secret ingredient and pan-fried to perfection. You still get the irony taste you do from blood sausages, but Morcillas tend to be milder due to the rice filling.

Somebody call the doctor – oh wait – olive oil is supposed to be good for you, right? Shrimps swimming in a clay dish of garlic oil and herbs, complete with large chunks or garlic. The oil was SO tasty, we soaked all our bread into the pot until there was nothing left. The shrimps were not overcooked and were extremely tender. Anything cooked in that much fat and garlic MUST taste good.

How could we NOT order the Botin specialty – The roast suckling pig. Okay, I’ve had my share of out-of-this-world suckling pig in my lifetime (Chinese, German…) but this one really takes the cake. It’s a Botin specialty for a reason. What makes a succulent roast suckling pig? Is the meat tender? check. Does the skin crackle? check. Does the skin ooze fat while crackling in your mouth? check. Just times these factors by 100 and you get the Botin suckling pig. Nothing fancy about the seasoning, just salted, but the cooking technique is definitely something to write home about. I bet they employ rocket scientists just for this one dish. Enough said.

The last of our mains to arrive were the amazing baby squids or in Spanish, chipirones as they are called. Cooked in their own ink in a rich and delectable yet simple gravy and served with rice. Again, such simple fare yet so much loving care has been put into creating such a delicious dish. The squid ink gravy really dominated our palates with its rich and sweet flavour without any fishy taste. By this stage we were close to keeling over but we weren’t done until we hit up some dessert to end our night of gastronomic debauchery.

For myself I decided to go for something light (ha,ha) and settled for a traditional creme caramel. It WAS a good creme caramel, pretty on-par with a lot of great creme caramels I’ve had in my lifetime, the syrup was caramelised to perfection, but what really grabbed me was the fresh cream it came with. I usually avoid the stuff but after taking one bite I was hooked. It was so rich, so fluffy yet dense at the same time it almost tasted like whipped cream cheese!

My companion upped the ante and ordered the supremely decadent mascarpone with mango ice cream and mango puree. The combination was a marriage made in heaven; as we each took our first bite, we could hear celestial trumpets bellowing in the distance as the gates of heaven creaked open, sending naked Angels down to earth to carry us up into the clouds…and we were never seen again.

The last thing I remember was waking up face-down in my hotel room at 10am the next day, finally conscious from a food-coma that was, Botin.